A fragment from a leaked communique

Members of staff have been instructed on a number of matters touching portfolio business following the recent change of management.  Since we are now open for business, we must ensure that the brand of business being offered in this establishment is politically correct in the right sort of way.  Based on United Nations principles, just in case you have concerns that the language we are compelled to use is in some way irregular or carrying some suggestion of moral bankruptcy.

In all future instances of portfolio business, the following terms are to be observed:

All elected representatives are now to be referred to as loan customers.

For confidentiality and security purposes, members of the central committee will be known by the animals or cartoon characters they most resemble, viz, Shrek, Peppi Le Pew, Canis Gremio, etc.

A special case applies to the operative from Immigration and Citizenship.  Thankyou to those who spent a great amount of time and effort trying to come up with a suitable designation for him over the last few weeks, but we must now revert to the title suggested by the original task group for the previous operative.  All future communications from this department are to refer to the current operative as The Patient.  Accordingly his staff are to be known as The Men in White Coats.

Your continued co-operation in this particular matter is greatly appreciated.

In other matters this week....